Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
