textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
