you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
