i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
