OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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