she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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