You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
