never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
