Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
