My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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