Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
