He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
