Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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