When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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