This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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