You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
