3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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