nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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