you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
