STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
