Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
