i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
