I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
