Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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