...so i touched it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
