life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize