He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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