i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
