I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
