you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
