I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
