we have pet lesbian snakes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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