Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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