Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
