I'm drive I can fine osifer
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
