Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize