nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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