There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
