He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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