dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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