u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize