Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
