Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
