I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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