you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
