I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize