it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
