i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
