birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
