4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
