I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize