I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize