That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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