evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize