I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A bitchslap is in order.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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