hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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