i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
