I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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