Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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