So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize