Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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