His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
