The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
