your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
