Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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