i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
