It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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