life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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