i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
