Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
