I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize