she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
