Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
