I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
