i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
