I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
