She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
