life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
