Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
