when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
