hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize