Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize