Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
