uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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