someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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