There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize