Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
