I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
