If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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