Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who died my cat blue again?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
