Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
