can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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