I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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