as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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