her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize