I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
