also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
