Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize