I am puke
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
