dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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