so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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