you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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