I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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