Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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