is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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