I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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