why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
