Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
