I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
