everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
