You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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