I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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