My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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