She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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