Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
