The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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