these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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