That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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