Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
