only if we run a train.
done.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
