...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize